bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
