apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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