I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
