She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
