what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
