Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
