pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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