I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
