Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish you could order shots online.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
