Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
