party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
