I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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