You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
