Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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