It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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