dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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