I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So much rum. So many feels.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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