my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize