forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
