is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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