Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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