I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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