you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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