Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize