3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize