swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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