That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize