My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
