went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Randomize
