hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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