Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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