First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
