Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
