4 words: hood of his car
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
