well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
