We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
