oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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