she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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