The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
