so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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