Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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