Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
