tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
