his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
