she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize