there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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