How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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