and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
