I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
