google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize