I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
