HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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