i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
