brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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