weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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