I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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