i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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