help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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