walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
