We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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