and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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