are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
