i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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