He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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